The Eyes Have it

Pheelia........my sweet Lady Pheelia.

Her body grows frail day by day. When I hold her, talk to her,or love on her, I hold back the tears. I have to be strong. Strong so that when she tells me it is time to go I can take her to the vets or hold her until that last breath slips away. My sadness is not just from know I will lose a family member soon but knowing what she was and what she has become. As recently as November she has gone from round, plump and dancing to frail thin and weak. Her will and spirit are so strong but her body so tired. I wonder if she feels trapped. I wonder if I am doing right by her in letting her continue on. I look into her eyes several times a day. They always say the same....not yet. I know the look. I have I have complied more times than I would like to. I wish for a peaceful passing, not just because it is easier on them, put because I am a coward and it is easier on me. I hate making that decision. I hate walking into the vets. I hate watching them being sedated and I hate watching the final injection. A fuzzy baby leaving rips out a part of my heart....the process at the vets, rips out a part of my soul. Woozles passing was on his terms. I held him as he took his final breath. He was in his home, a warm and loving place. He went quickly......he went painlessly. I hope for the same for Pheelia. ............ let her pass quietly in my arms in our home or with her cagemates snuggling up against her as she sleeps.

Pheelia.......my sweet Lady Pheelia....I am here to do your bidding

Life in the Ferret Lane

It has been such and up and down road......Pheelia still hangs in there. Her body is thin and frail, yet her eyes are still bright and alert. Pheelia is a little wobbly first thing in the morning but gains her footing quickly and goes about surveying her domain. A once around the room and she heads to the food bowl and eats her fill, still a hardy meal. She interacts with Lielah and Tauvi, giving little hops of happiness when one passes by with the other in hot pursuit. I almost expect those little spindly legs to break. Her dance is low key compared to her days of youth, you might even miss it if you didn't know her, but it is still a dance, and it is her dance. It lets me know she is still alive......still happy....still being a ferret. I know her time is limited. I try not to think about the end to much..... I pray that she will get to leave on her own terms like Sir Woozle did; in my arms, when he wanted to go and without pain. Until she is called away, each morning her sweet face greets me is another day to cram more hugs and kisses into her bags.

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Mayhem and Mischief, came to me in November (for those that have not been updates). They fit their names to a tee....... spit fires, always into trouble, rambunctious and always leaping on me when I walk into the room. My neighbor brought them to me when an employee of his could no longer care for them The are an added joy to my life. They gave Cassie some permanent companionship. My sweet Cassie Doodle Bug is no longer on her own. Watching her slip into a hammy with one or both of them makes me heave a heavy sigh on contentment. When my ferrets are happy, the world is at peace.

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Emma...oh Emma Bean...... I am so glad you have decided to hang out with me. My son brought Emma home. I thought we would lose her and I would have had my heart broken by a tiny little girl I only knew a week or so. She was sick, underweight and depressed. Her depression grew and whatever ailed her grew worse. The runs and an odor that would make a skunk run away. For what seemed like an eternity I force fed her and Sub Q'd her only for her to crawl back into her cage and curl up in her gator. Finally a morning came, her head was peeking out from the gators mouth. Was this a sign? Had she decided I wasn't so bad? She didn't fight me on the feedings that day and she actually took water on her own. Today, she eats on her own, drinks on her own and is letting her personality shine. Today she chased the cats. Today she played with Parker, my gentle giant. Today she dooked and clucked..................Welcome home Emma.

Another Blow

*SIGH*
Pheelia has been down and out since Sir Woozle passed away. It seems the bond they developed oveer the last 4 years has been quite strong. Some days she chooses to not come out of the condo and others she lays in the crinkle tube sleeping the day away. Pheelia has always been the sensitive ferret, both in personality and in internal tummy issues. I thought her mourning for Woozle had thrown her system all out of whack. She was having bouts of the runs and birdseed poo. I decided it was time to take her to the vets. The news I was not expecting.
Dr B thought her abdomen felt "thick" so she did an x-ray........Pheelia has a mass is her abdomen that is round and about the size of a quarter. It seems Lymphoma has taken over. Tests should be back in the morning. Pheelia is past the 6-1/2 year old mark and heading up to seven. They could do exploratory surgery to see what it is, but Dr B is afraid of her not making it and her leaving the earth without me nearby, or opening her up to find a big mess. She is about 4oz underweight at this time......and that plays a factor. Chemo is an option if it is Lymphoma, but what is the point in that if it only buys 6 or so months. That would purely be selfish on my part. We are taking the route of prednisone and carafate. We will hope the pred will shrink the tumor some and if need be there are some other stronger meds out there more aggressive than the pred. I guess it all turns into another "waiting" game.
This is not the news I was expecting to hear......and this really sucks.......... Angel, Sir Woozle and now how much time for Pheelia. How much time before another piece of my heart is ripped away? I knew this day was coming....I have dreaded it...you can't have four seniors and not know its coming.........I was just hoping it was further down the road a ways..... Guess not.

Sir Woozle....My Little Knight

Sir Woozle announced to me this morning that he is tired and would like peace. Woozle came to me as someone’s throw away, and when I say throw away, that what they basically had done. He and the late Nissmo were found in a woman’s garden shed, skin and bones, little hair and full of mites and fleas. The SPCA took them and when eventually put up for adoption were going to be let go separately. My son was volunteering at the SPCA at the time and called me….. “mom… we gotta help these two ferrets, they are bonded and they are gonna break them up” So in August of 2004 two more ferrets were added to our family. Woozle at the time was named Mr Woozle…. A week after coming to us he got sick……REALLY sick…. The flu turned in to an upper respiratory infection. He was still very thin from his ordeal outside and I just didn’t think he was going to make. We went to the vets got him on meds and every three to four hours I had to pat his chest, roll him over and pat his back to break up the congestion. The I had to be there when he coughed all of it up so he would not aspirate on it. To my relief he fought and made it. Once he was better he was integrated with the girls, Pheelia, Lielah and Tauvi. He was always kind and gentle with them, particularly Lielah, my little tiny girl. He played with her gently, but let her do almost anything she wanted to him. No mater how hard Lielah got, he was always soft and gentle. Two years later Nissmo would pass, his bud and comrade in arms. When I allowed them to sniff Nissmo’s body, he gently rest his head across Nissmo’s shoulders and let out a sigh. It was as if he were reflecting upon their time together. I saw in Woozle, dignity, courage and strength. That is when he became Sir Woozle. And so for another year life went on, then he became ill and we found that he had a kidney failing. He was wasting away and getting thin….weak….. and lethargic. The vet put him on sub-qs to sustain him. Instead it revived him. He gained weight, put on a lush fuzzy coat and was back to being his energetic self. All I could think of was what a fighter he is……my “Come Back Kid” Then recently his prostate issues arose….again I watched him fight all that was going on. Then came the news after his sonogram……. Adrenal………. The prostate was just a secondary issue. The right adrenal gland had invaded the vena cava…….ok another fight we can handle. He seemed to be doing well until the bruises showed up 2 weeks ago. It was a fast downhill slide from there………….anemia has taken its sucker punch and has adrenal to back it up………
Yesterday Sir Woozle did not scratch at the cage door to be let out…… this worried me. He was slower and slept more throughout the day. This morning when I took him out of his condo, he slowly made his way to the paper box to sleep. He didn’t really want to socialize…..when it was time for morning treats…… well he really didn’t care, something two days before he would still clamor for. I picked him up and looked at him. The pink half of his nose was white…. his gums the same. I looked into his eyes and he spoke to me………” mom……I love you…….but Im tired………..
I have made the arrangements. Tonight is love and cuddles….maybe a last lay in the grass… a look at the stars and I will tell him about the promise of rainbow bridge. Tomorrow morning he finds peace.

My heart is broken

Schoolyard Bully

Schoolyard Bully
That’s kinda how I see adrenal disease
I’ve lost one baby during surgery, another with side complications from liver disease, suspect 1 in the future will have it because she always has rat tail at shedding time, and currently have 2 on Lupron: 1 being in the later stages.
Adrenal is the bully and has his gang, prostate issues, liver disease, kidney disease, anemia and lots of other little cronies that get their licks in with the protection of the crowd and the School Yard bully. Adrenal’s cronies are there to add insult to injury many that hide behind the Bully’s punch, but could be beaten on their own. If you do nothing, the bully wins every time, taking a precious life way too soon. If you take a stand and fight back with lupron, pred, meletonin, sub-qs and such, many times you walk a way with a black eye, in the form of a thinner wallet, some tears, a few more grey hairs or your heart still in your stomach, but life is preserved a little longer. When we fight this bully, we know eventually we will lose. Death is inevitable……. but, if our little fuzzbutt lives to a normal life span of 7 to 10 years, in a way we have triumphed over adrenal. The more we, as ferrants, fight the disease, cry out and demand answers, the more the vet industry will do to find a cure. Maybe one day we can knock this particular schoolyard bully down to size.

Cassie the not so Cassinator

Cassie was brought home last November. She had her moments of "niceness" but wouldn't hesitate to rip your arm off if it was what she desired to do. I knew we had a long road ahead of us. Well she has made so much progress in the last 6 months. We stopped the attacks. We down graded to biting the wrist and making humans only say ouch with the occasional curse word. Now....... she only bites the wrist on occasion....a reminder she is still pissed about something and isn't ready to fully trust the human race. We can now play with her and are trying to teach her to have a soft play bite. Another big step made today was getting her to play with another ferret.....nicely...... Up until now we have kept her separate because she would attack other ferrets as well. She wanted nothing to do with them. Recently she has been showing an interest in the others....... sniffing through the gates, or poking her nose into the younger groups cage. I decided to see what would happen. I took Parker out of his cage. He is the big lug, the gentle giant and the clown. I sat on the floor with Cassie. I let them sniff noses.... she jerked back and stiffened a little but eventually relaxed and took another sniff. She sat and watched him. Eventually she wiggled to get down. I let her slip out of my hands , onto my lap and to the floor. She approached him........ they went to instant butt sniffing....... Cassie began to dook and the next thing I knew the two were bouncing, dancing, dooking and chattering away. It was like they were best buds all their lives. 45 minutes later I had 2 speed bumps on the floor. It was time to separate them so that one did not aggravate the other trying to instigate more play.
Now I know we still have work ahead of us....an intro to Quizzy and Liberty is another story all together..... baby steps....... but we have over come so much. An angry ferret that was out for blood, is turning into a sweet, playful happy girl...... See Cassie..... life can be good.........

Lielah

I took some pics of Lielah before she starts her Lupron shots. I will be glad to get her started.