The Eyes Have it

Pheelia........my sweet Lady Pheelia.

Her body grows frail day by day. When I hold her, talk to her,or love on her, I hold back the tears. I have to be strong. Strong so that when she tells me it is time to go I can take her to the vets or hold her until that last breath slips away. My sadness is not just from know I will lose a family member soon but knowing what she was and what she has become. As recently as November she has gone from round, plump and dancing to frail thin and weak. Her will and spirit are so strong but her body so tired. I wonder if she feels trapped. I wonder if I am doing right by her in letting her continue on. I look into her eyes several times a day. They always say the same....not yet. I know the look. I have I have complied more times than I would like to. I wish for a peaceful passing, not just because it is easier on them, put because I am a coward and it is easier on me. I hate making that decision. I hate walking into the vets. I hate watching them being sedated and I hate watching the final injection. A fuzzy baby leaving rips out a part of my heart....the process at the vets, rips out a part of my soul. Woozles passing was on his terms. I held him as he took his final breath. He was in his home, a warm and loving place. He went quickly......he went painlessly. I hope for the same for Pheelia. ............ let her pass quietly in my arms in our home or with her cagemates snuggling up against her as she sleeps.

Pheelia.......my sweet Lady Pheelia....I am here to do your bidding